The Ally and the Cosmos

In practice tonight, the felt sense was cosmic in nature. A subtle sense of being—as if feeling the event horizon of a black hole. Cosmic, yet quiet.

Memory compares it to feeling like a child on Christmas Eve. The image of a Christmas tree dressed in warm light. The feeling of anticipation. A sacred quality.

The felt sense arose of the human and ally as twin black holes. In each others' gravity. The ally saying, "Come into my orbit."

I resisted practice tonight. Procrastinated. Entering practice, the mind shifted from everyday preoccupations to a cosmic felt sense.

That subtle shift reminds me of the Zen koan from the Book of Serenity, Case 17:

Fayan asked Xiushan, "'A hairsbreadth's difference is as the distance between heaven and earth'—how do you understand?"

Xiushan said, "A hairsbreadth's difference is as the distance between heaven and earth."

Fayan said, "How can you get it that way?"

Xiushan said, "I am just thus—what about you?"

Fayan said, "A hairsbreadth's difference is as the distance between heaven and earth."

Xiushan thereupon bowed.

Is this our life? A hairsbreadth difference between wandering mind and the sacred felt sense of the cosmos? Between distraction and fulfillment.

Fayan probes Xishuan. "How do you get this?"

Isn't this what we ask ourselves? How do I meet my needs? And find fulfillment. How do I get love?

We try to get what we want. And often we look much further away from ourselves than a hairsbreadth.

My experience tonight is a reminder, yet again, of the imaginal as a doorway to deeper perception, feeling, and connection.

What seems at a remove to the senses—the distant black holes of the cosmos—can feel palpable in the imaginal world. Closer than close.

Resting in imaginal being, deeper reflections come.

Are we beings that exist looking out from the threshold of a black hole?

Are we ourselves the black holes? Each one of us midwifing a universe of existence, moment to moment.

Are we that very thing from which light does not escape?

Is this our subtle, quiet, direct experience?

In this NASA simulation, twin black holes move in relationship. A mirror of human and ally. Swaying in gravity's pull. Mergence and emergence. The pull of light.

One more word arose: approach. Do we ever know the ally? Or do we just turn toward it? Approach it?

Do we approach the event horizon of the ally, but never cross it?

And is this limit of approach a protective factor? Protective of mystery and sanctity.

The ally as a sanctuary that can envelop us, but never be reduced to the known.